it’s been a long time.

i feel strong and my blood still burns–now more than usual. and i still have no idea. i just follow voices.

i’m full of fire.

even when i begin to doubt. but this is always the logic brain working to convince me that inspiration is wrong.

the logic brain that says everything needs a clear purpose and clear answers.

i feel intuitive but not mathematical. my calculations seldom work, but the charge from deep down is always correct (even if i realize it much later).

i listen to a voice that has no basis in logic. if it did, i would be a completely different entity. but i don’t know who else to be or how to be that.

it was never my call. i’m a puppet of my inner child.

i can’t claim ownership of that inner child or anything else. i can ony be thankful for all my fortunes–positive and negative–and keep listening to voices. i tried to make sense of it for ages, then stopped trying. i treasure inspiration, even though it only gives me comfort in a moment. even if the moment is all there is, the logic brain says “think ahead” “plan” “organize.”

only because it wants respite in the form of reward. “i’m doing X to get Y.” it never seems to work like that. i keep getting true signals that i edit. i’m mostly proud of my logic brain but too often it tries to make me reasonable.

what would life be like if we just went all the way with it?

 

my love affair with the planet continues